Shining Star
by Rei-Sanjo
Summary: Songfic ish RoyEd. Sometimes, in order for feelings to be released, they have to be broken. Fluffy Oneshot.


No spoilers.

YAOI WARNING

Disclaimer: If there are any offerings for the rights to FMA, Im taking.

**Shining star**

Edward stood in front of Colonel Roy Mustang's desk, feeling as out of place in the white walls and leather furniture as always. He looked at Mustang's desk, which- of course- had every square inch covered in paperwork, paperclips, staplers, and pens. Most of the paperwork had been cast aside, showing how greatly he didn't want it there, the only papers he'd actually signed were important documents given to him by the Fuhrer himself, and the little bit that Riza had forced him to sign.

His eyes wandered over to the bookshelf, as messy as Mustang's desk, with many book-ends and little gizmos and extra trinkets stacked in front of the books, showing how often he took the books off the shelves. It's not as if the dust didn't show you enough already.

He could smell that odd scent that always filled Mustang's office, but he never figured out what it was. Almost like laundrey starch and metal, but different. It could possibly be the old heating system, but that would be an odd thought, seeing as he was The Flame Alchemist, but there was always that chance-

"Are you listening, Fullmetal?"

"Wha-? Yeah. Yes."

He snapped his attention back to his commanding officer, who was looking at him in a rather frustrated manor. This was usually how mornings went, though it would be much easier to actually pay attention, or not give a speech for once, they did anyway. That's just the way it was with those two.

"Did you comprehend one word of that last paragraph?" He asked again, putting his forhead in his hands and leaning onto the wooden bureau. Edward opened his mouth, thinking of his next response. Should he say yes? If he said yes, he might ask him what he'd said, and then he'd have no clue what to say, because he hadn't actually been listening. But he might not ask. Even so, if he did, wouldn't it be safer to say no? Of course not, then he'd flat out be telling him that he wasn't be paying attention, and probably get it repeated. It was best to say yes and hope he got away with it, yeah, he'd still have a chance that way-

"Oh my God." Roy collapsed onto his desk, slowly beating his head off of the neglected paperwork.

Edward felt a small amount of pity rise up inside him, a tiny, tiny, microscopic spark that made him feel sorry for the frustrated officer in front of him. He should be trying to listen, much as his short attention span didn't allow it, to give this poor man a few moments of relief in his wake. But it was only a small amount, and the spark was extinguished amazingly fast, and he continued to drive the dark-haired man slowly, painstakingly **insane**.

"For god's sake, Fullmetal." Roy said, lifting his head and giving him the tinist glare as the boy just stood there wordlessly. "Don't you have any respect for another human being?"

This day could not possibly get any worse for Roy Mustang. As far as getting absolutely no sleep last night and sleeping in, nearly being late for work, the bombardment of paperwork, the three cases he had to finish up, the migrane, and having to sit here and try to explain something to a 15-year-old midget with an attention span shorter than he was, things were going just _**fine**._

"Sure I do, But how would _You _know any of them?" Edward snipped, that teenage attitude showing deeply in his voice, like how they _tell _their mother they're going to Matthew's party on friday, and she can't do anything to stop them.

"Dammit, Edward! You're such a _child_! I can't believe they let someone so irresponsable onto my staff!" Roy stood up, slamming a fist down on his desktop, rattling a few pens.

"Irresponsable?" Edward snorted, that tone never leaving his voice. "_You're _the irresponsable one! You have the nerve to say that to me? I've never seen you do a thing you've been asked, ever complete your paperwork on time, and you can't even keep your own _morals _straight, you bastard!"

"Fullmetal..." The Colonel growled pleasantly.

"Hah! What am I talking about? You don't even _have _morals do you?" He kept going, over the line, jumping back and fourth. Just kept pushing buttons. How many could he push before he found the detonator? Let's see...

"Considering you can't even keep track of your own life-"

"Fullmetal..."

"All your _girlfriends-"_

"That's it!"

"And apparently your friends as well, thanks to you ditching the case on lab five!"

Well, we found the detonator. That would be the big red one in the middle of the panel, the one that the blond kept hitting over and over again. Yeah, that one.

The room slowly dimmed, faded into an eerie tomb of silence. That's the word, Tomb. It was a dead silence, dead and cold, and uncomfortable. Almost scary, Ed thought. He'd crossed the line, ran over it. He'd lost control of his own tongue, he regretted it as soon as he'd spoken it, and he'd never done that before. But it was bound to happen, and it did.

"Edward Elric..."

Roy's very voice made him shiver in fear, to have his name spoken from those lips in such a way...was horrifying. He stood up, seeming taller than he ever had in all of Edward's time at the military. The stray pup had wandered too close to the wolf's wounds, it was going to bite, pup or not.

But...But the words that came out of the Colonel's mouth were...wretched...terrifying. They chilled the spine, crushed the spirit. They were more than should have ever been uttered out of his mouth towards the Elric. Much more. They took his weakness and gripped it, shattered it into a thousand small pieces and crushed them into the dirt.

If Roy was so irresponsable, so morally-bankrupt, then why was it that Edward had managed to screw up his entire life in less than 16 years? Why was it that he was the only one who had taken his own life, ruined it and made it worse with each decision he made? Every single choice Edward had ever had, he took the path for the worse. Because he fell apart over the death of his mother. The one person left in Roy's world that actually gave a damn had been shot and killed, without ever saying goodbye, without ever giving him one last look. What had he done? He'd carried on with his life, instead of referring to forbidden practices in attempt to bring him back from the dead, risking other people's lives around him and condemming his life as a dog of a military just to compensate for the damage of his mistakes.

He just kept going, it all came out of him so fast, it felt almost good even though he knew it shouldn't. Just kept going and going, shoving it all back in his face, every bloody mistake, every screw-up, every wrong turn, everything. It just came out at once. He couldn't believe it was him, it was so surreal.

Surreal.

Surreal to who? Him? What did that matter, to the young boy cowering in front of him, listening to everything. It was all real to him, every bit of the nightmare he was speaking of was _real _to Edward. All of it. Why couldn't he stop? He just kept going and going, until he had nothing to say.

There was quiet in the room for all of two seconds before the blond flew, literally sped out out of the room, so fast he was already gone, and all Roy had was the slowmotion image of him running out the door repeatedly. It was like it didn't happen, that all it was was an image in his mind put in to replace a memory. Yet somehow he was left with the raw, sharp pain of regret, of guilt. And nothing but.

"E-Edward..." He whispered the boys name, for what reason he wasn't sure. It echoed throughout the room, throughout his mind. It was fearful. Played off the plain white walls in the office that he'd worked so hard for. What good was it? It was then the reality of it hit him. He couldn't believe it, though he knew it all happened. He continued staring where he'd last seen the boy, afraid and ashamed, and then rushed out the door in a speed he didn't know he possesed.

He ran- ran through the breakroom, the corridors, the front desk, all the way outside, searching desperately for the golden-eyed boy. Roy raced around the side of the building to the garden at the back of HQ, letting out an enourmous breath when he saw a small black dot leaning against a tree amongst the field of white snow. There was about a foot of it covering the entire garden, blanketing everything.

He followed the bootprints in the snow, randomly lengthed, and skidded, showing that the owner had been running very fast. Roy walked across the field, staggering almost, he had no idea what he'd say.

Well he'd apologize of course, but...did he really know how? He felt sick, he just wanted to break down. How could he say such things to a young boy? It's not like every choice he made was the right one. In fact, he had to sit and pick out the ones that actually hadn't led to something even worse. So many parts of his life he wished he could go back and erase, change. No one was perfect, no one always made the right decisions, he should know that.

Especially when it was someone they cared about. Especially.

What other choice could an 11 year old make when piled with grief and dispair? All he wanted was to see his mother smile again. That's all.

That's why Roy had gotten on the train the night Hughes died. Things could have gone differently, but his decision changed everything. His rash decision.

He'd done it because...because he _cared_ about Edward.

His feet were slowing, almost taking him in the opposite direction as he realized how he really felt. No. No, he was going to go and apologize, try and help this boy realize that he was the biggest idiot on the planet right now, and ask if he found it in his heart to please just speak to him. His boots padded the snow, speeding up again, matching the beating of his heart. Roy reached the tree all too soon, walking up wordlessly behind Edward.

He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He finally found something to say, but was sidetracked by the feathery white snowflakes that suddenly dropped from the sky. He looked around the rest of central, staring at the falling snow. The speed they started falling wasn't a good sign. It would probably turn into a storm, it would be dangerous on the roads if it kept up like this. His train of thought stopped when the wind died down from his ears, when he could hear something. A tiny, pathetic noise. Like a small, choking sob. One after another, so quiet, pitiful.

He'd done enough stalling, already. He turned to the boy in front of him.

Edward continued staring at the snow by his feet, he thought he'd heard someone coming, but he didn't really care. Tears blurred his vision, he couldn't see anyway. Ed found tears an unusually pretty thing, actually. Tears were an object in being that most of the human race thought nothing of, and swept them away as soon as they saw them. But people need to cry. That was something Edward Elric had forgotten a long time ago, that was. Your body actually physically needed to cry every so often, or stress built up, and you'd end up crying about nothing.

But this was definitely something.

How could he _do _such a thing? How could someone only human speak words of such pain and disgust? How? He _knew _what he'd done wrong, he _knew it. _Why did he have to be told over and over again? So many things, it was like people thought he was stupid. He just wanted to turn around and scream at all of them,

"_Im not retarded! I know what your saying, stop saying it over and over again! Im ignorant, Im short, I make bad descisions, Im stupid when I'm angry, I have an anger problem, Im a child!"_

He was. He was a child.

So why...why couldn't he stand saying that to Roy? It _was _his fault, after all. He couldn't go on thinking that he hadn't brought this upon himself.

How could he do such a thing? How could he himself talk about Roy like he didn't give a damn what happened to Hughes? Roy cared more about Hughes for a longer time than Edward could ever hope to have a friend.

His thought process looped until he noticed snow falling onto his shoulders, turning them from black to white. He'd left his red jacket inside the building, completely forgetting about it as he ran away. He gave an involuntary shiver, realizing it had been colder out than he thought. He brought his arms up and grabbed his elbows, still staring at the same spot on the ground. Everything was silent for a minute until he felt something heavy on his shoulders, making him jump suddenly.

He looked behind him, eyes wide and red from crying, at the tall, onyx-eyed man taking a step away from him. He sniffed, looking down at himself and realizing Roy had slipped his coat onto him. He drew it closer around himself, he opened his mouth to say '_You're going to catch cold if you walk around without a jacket.'_ But stopped himself.

What did he care what happened to the bastard? It wasn't like Roy gave a damn about him anyway. He never would. Especially not after that speech. But was it really nessecary to come out here and pick on him even more? Or maybe he'd kill him. That was highly unlikely, but one could hope, couldn't they?

"Fullmetal..." He heard Roy's voice behind him, but said nothing.

"Edward." This time he did turn around, glaring as best he could.

Roy opened his mouth to speak, but just ended up embracing the boy.

"Im sorry...Im so sorry..." Was all he could say, as Edward stared, wide-eyed at his superior.

"Please, Please forgive me. I know I don't deserve it. I had no right, no right to do that to you. Im sorry. Please just come inside, or talk to me, just something!"

Edward continued staring forward blankly, his eyes unfocused, misted over somewhat. He stood there for a long moment, just feeling the warmth of the Colonel's jacket, of his gentle embrace, listening to his unsteady breath. A tear gently fell down his cheek, followed by another, turning his face cold as they tried to freeze on his face.

He pushed the taller man away with little force, looking up at him with disappointed eyes.

The amount of hurt that was shown in those onyx eyes at that moment was insurmountable. They were the kind of eyes that no human being should have to see, the eyes of a broken soul. Broken was the word, exactly. But the blond in front of him seemed unaffected. He kept that same annoyed expression on his face.

"I Hate You." He said plainly, with all the interest of someone discussing the weather. But this time...it wasn't out of anger, it wasn't a blindly shouted response to a remark about his height, it wasn't the end of a conversation when he had nothing to say. He meant it, wholeheartedly.

_I Hate You._

The words echoed in Roy's mind, bouncing off the walls, repeating themselves. Over and over, _I hate you._

Then, his entire world fell down around his ears. He couldn't speak, even if he had something to say. His eyes widened, and his mouth opened in a noisless gasp, the air taken from his lungs with the word's spoken from the younger boy. Everything stopped. He felt his knees would go out from underneath him, but Edward grabbed onto his shirt collar, and stood tiptoe inside his boots, kissing him gently.

Roy blinked, his brain started up again, working against the cold, against the shock, telling him what just happened. Edward started to pull away, but Roy slipped his arms around his waist and shoulders, pulling him against himself again. He bent down and lapped the tears from Edward's cheeks, holding him tightly the entire time.

Edward clung to his shirt, burying his face in like a small puppy.

"Why..." Roy started softly, closing his eyes. "Why do you say that so often?" He asked sadly. There was a moment of silence, before Edward coughed and replied.

"Because..." His grip on Roy's shirt tightened, "Because, you're _everything_ Im not. You've accomplished _everything _I haven't. Because...Because you could never love someone like me, and I still love _you. _I hate you because I can't stop loving you." He confessed, wrapping his arms around Roy's neck.

Roy stared, his mouth hanging open, before he wordlessly took Edward by the shoulders and kissed him before he knew what was happening. Edward closed his eyes and kissed back, feeling happier than he ever had before. Roy begged entrance, and Edward parted his lips ever so slightly, letting their tongues meet. Roy searched every corner of the other's mouth, trying to take in as much of that taste as he could before he was forced to pull away. He felt Edward let out a small moan beneath him, only encouraging him to continue. The two broke apart only when lungs demanded it, staring at each other silently before walking back into the headquarters, hating each other for loving each other. That's just the way it was with those two.

_(I need you  
You're everything you are  
You're my shining star  
You light up all I need to see, you guide me on my way.)_

-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-x-o-

Not really a songfic, but that last paragraph kinda inspired me to write this. Sorry if the ending really sucks, but I just kinda lost track of my writing. I know my fics are supposed to be on hold for a while, but I thought i'd finish this up since I only had a little more to do. Sorry if I ruined it, maybe I should have left it for later, but I dunno...w/e. Review please. Oh, and I got my camera back! So that's one thing of my list of emo-ness, so maybe that's why I wanted to finish this. n e way. Laterz.


End file.
